Title: How to Love Intelligently in the Age of Instant Gratification
Featured: Dr. Sue Johnson
Publication Date: 2014
Selection Reason: Dr. Sue Johnson talks about the communication skills it takes for love to grow. Have all the changes in how we interact impacted how we love?
“You should know before you begin some of the issues that have been problems for me in the past,” the project manager began. She then began going through specific examples of what she called her past pet peeves in project management: a worker who created lots of issues by speaking directly to the client about his project concerns, another worker who she saw socializing constantly in the office but who kept telling her she didn’t have time to get stuff done, a worker who didn't inform her that his direct supervisor kept pulling him for other projects. After each example, she then expressed what she would rather have seen communicated and done instead of what actually happened.
This week's skill builds on several previous posts to create a technique that can be used to process any conflicts you may be having but also gives you a technique to use when you are actively engaged in the moment of the conflict. This meditation relies heavily on the work of Dr. Marc Brackett, Director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. Much of his work on the meta-moment shows up in this guided meditation.
A mentor-mentee relationship should be one where both parties personally select the other. In an age where companies are creating formal mentorship programs and assigning people to each other, we should be extra wary. Not all people who want to be mentors actually should be mentors and, if you are an aspiring mentee you should be aware of how to evaluate that the relationship with your mentor is a healthy or even beneficial one.
Nyam (n.) - The illusions and altered states that can occur during meditation are called Nyam. Feeling like you are suddenly taking up the whole room, feeling like you are physically falling from a great height, or feeling your mind and mood shift into a completely "blissed out" state are all common nyam that can occur for people who have been meditating for awhile. The more illusory states typically happen when someone has their eyes shut and disappear once the eyes are opened again.
Neti Neti Meditation (n.) - Neti Neti is the meditation of negation. It translates to, "Not this, Not that," and is a form of Vedic analysis. Vedic comes from the word Vedas, which are the oldest Hindu scriptures.
This practice is the structured rejection of all labels, social conditioning, and past experiences that you have come to use to define who you are. The practice is based on the principle that once you let go of who you are not, then your eyes will open to see the you that exists outside limitations.
Title: A Virus Called Fear
Featured: Ben Fama, Jr.
Publication Date: 2012
Website Description: "Very few people understand the programming of fear, and why it distorts our perceptions. While fear is a program used for our survival, fear also creates irrational beliefs that cause larger systems of fear like politics, religion and the media. "A Virus Called Fear" is a short film about the conditioning of fear, and what irrational fears can lead to."
"I'm just not getting the work from him and he's constantly making excuses," started the complaint. "I can't make him do it. I'm not his boss."
Many of us have been in this same situation in the modern work force. We have all kinds of dotted lines going here, there, and everywhere and the people we need work from to complete our projects are frequently our peers -- not our direct reports. How can we hold our peers accountable without coming down on them, coming across as trying to be their boss, or souring the relationship? We have no teeth with the dotted line structure and it takes a different way of thinking to accomplish our goals.
Title: Where Does Compassion Really Come From?
Featured: Sharon Salzberg
Publication Date: 2015
Synopsis: Salzberg talks about what it means to pay full attention and to meet the world with compassion. How much attention are we really paying? Do we see the changes in people or do we see them just as static as the furniture?
Conscious Emotional Selection (n.) -- Emotions are not just reactions to our external and internal experiences. Emotions can be chosen. This ability to select an emotion -- rather than see them showing up as outside your control -- is called conscious emotional selection. Loving-kindness, forgiveness, gratitude, and compassion meditations, in particular, also teach you how to cultivate their related emotional states so they can later be consciously chosen and used when needed.
My Writing and Other Resources for Students
A growing collection of writing and other resources for students to use to continue their growth.