Blaming, as a distortion in thinking, shifts responsibility in ways that are simply not helpful to resolving the situation at hand. Blaming makes one person wrong and someone else right. It often creates a false victim and a false villain when the responsibility for the negative situation is something that should be shared. And, in the moments when there truly is a victim and a perpetrator, it often places fault with the victim as opposed to the person actually causing harm to the other person.
Turn off blaming
Blaming is often a waste of time. It takes the energy that could be spent just solving the problem and channels it down unproductive avenues. Blaming simply delays the work that ultimately needs to be done. This does not mean that we don’t need to hold people responsible for their actions. It does, though, mean that we have to look at when making someone wrong is actually helpful and when it shuts down the process we need to engage in to fix the situation.
Pay attention this week for any times you lay blame at your own or another person's doorstep. Assess and let go of any need to make someone wrong when it would get in the way of resolving the situation in the most productive way.
You may find that there are very few times when laying blame is actually helpful.
Fridays – Flaws in Thinking
There are some common errors in thinking (more formally called cognitive distortions and biases) that can get in the way of healthy and helpful thinking. Each Friday, you will learn a new term to help in seeing your own thinking more clearly.
My Writing and Other Resources for Students
A growing collection of writing and other resources for students to use to continue their growth.